My mother learnt to play one piece of music on the piano. It was Feelin’  Groovy. The irony of this is now not lost on me.

Today, I saw an Orthopaedic surgeon, who had become a lovely lady in the space of 3 months (presumably because she now has a plan. Surgeons like to have a plan. Especially if it involves cutting people).

It transpires that the nice groove where one’s kneecap is supposed to sit just doesn’t exist in me. On either side. They’re flying around wild and free in there. I am literally not groovy enough (I blame Rev DaddyPops for this entirely). So that hungover MRI at 9am on a Sunday morning (seriously bad planning on my part there) was worth it.

I can, apparently have surgery to make me groovy. Twice (two knees). Around my exams for the first one (though the knee braces shall be exciting). But I’ll probably still have pain, even if I have more stability.

None of this takes into account the delightful Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. I don’t respond to local anaesthetic (yeah, dentist – I’m NOT just a wimp!), and I scar seriously easily. I have a scar from a papercut 5 years ago. Pathetic. Unfortunately those scars happen inside of me too – I’m worried about the effect that may have on my mobility.

Because EDS and flat bones apparently isn’t enough, I’m also SERIOUSLY intolerant of Opiates (morphine and its buddies, codeine and the like). Not intolerant in a tutting-on-the-bus kind of way either, but in a ‘give me anti-sickness and I’ll still be throwing myself towards any receptacle you can give me and chundering’ kind of way. So that’s going to liven it up if nothing else.

Also, I know a lot of the theatre staff in that hospital. I’m on Anaesthetics there right now. I consider these people colleagues. I wouldn’t want anyone else treating me (because they are incredible), but I’m not sure I want to be so exposed and vulnerable in front of them. They’re professionals, but I’m scared I’ll forever feel awkward.

I have two weeks to make a decision as to whether surgery is worth the issues. My surgeon has given me one hell of a reading list. Bloody hell.